I feel so ashamed of myself...Do you have any advice for my situation?

Honestly I dislike and distrust alot of psychiatrists however you should see one to find comfort for your anxiety and past relationship dysfunction. Ask your physician to recommend one and seek out a proper fit if the first one doesn't seem quite right. What you lived was beyond dysfunction...it was sick, controlling and manipulating beyond what most people deal with in a lifetime. Seek help so that you can come to terms with how you allowed yourself to be treated and avoid this type of behavior in the future. Life is too short to deal with this internally so find someone who you can relate with to talk to to ease your mind from it and perhaps give you medication to alleviate your anxiety. Good luck